Where The Heck Did All Of The Halloween Candy Go?

I've always been able to brag about my kids (well, at least two of them, anyway) and their lack of sweet teeth. My son, John, usually keeps his halloween candy tucked away for almost a year. Ruth is much the same.

Birk is sleeping with a mound of wrappers under her bed as we speak. I never can count on scrounging candy from her.

But, my other two kids, they keep me in mini, snack-sized candy for a full year. At any weak moment, I can dip into their secret and forgotten reserves.

The Snickers go first. Then it's Butterfingers and Baby Ruths. I morph into Three Musketeers and Milky Way bars as the pickings get slimmer. Then it's a toss up until I'm finishing off the Sweet Tarts, usually sometime in the spring.

If I'm super desperate, I sometimes find myself eating Raisinettes in June. This is only if Easter has been a sorry candy return holiday.

But folks, I went looking for the stashes, and we are down to the BARE MINIMUM. It's only been a couple of weeks since Halloween, and the usually reserves are reaching drought level.

What is happening around here? Was this a lean trick or treating year? If that's the case, we are going to have to improve our trick or treating skills and hit it harder next October.

Or, are my kids secretly turning into candy junkies like their mother?

Aging Genralization: What The Second Nine Years Of Primary Education Can Do To You.

Me, as a preschool mom.

Me, as an 8th grade mom.

I dragged my weary carcass out of the car and ran into the grocery store. It was 7:55 am. If all went as planned, I would have 4 large bottles of sparkling water and be out the door by 8:00 am. I ran the aisles as if I were in a sprint triathlon.

Luckily, I had sat bolt upright in my bed at 3:30 am and remembered that I was supposed to bring sparkling water for our teacher celebration at school. Girls in tow with store bought bagels and juice, I raced my mini van to school and got everyone and everything there on time.

Deflated and a bit defeated, I carefully drove my car around the school parking lot.

There, in the glistening morning sunshine, were all of these cute, spunky young moms with their little kids. Both parent and offspring were skipping on their way into school.

I was crackly, old lizard mother. I used to see those 8th grade moms and stare with wonder. Why didn't those strange creatures volunteer for everything?

Face it. They were experienced. They were smarter. I was young and dumb, and now I know. The game of life, oh so bittersweet.

We Have Lice--Tra La La La La I'm Being Taking To The Cleaners

Normal kids slump in their seats with embarrassment when they have lice. My kids jump and sing and broadcast it joyfully to the world. After all, there is no shame in lice. However, people do tend to lean away from you and avoid playdates and hugs.

We discovered a local shop that de-bugs you. It's a great place to go if you're filthy full of lice and filthy rich. Birk's first visit was $200.00. Our second visit was $300.00. I've destroyed three North Face sleeping bags in the dryer on high heat. I don't even want to do the math on that one.

Sorry, kids, we were going to have Christmas, but we decided to do "Lice" instead.

The Best Birthday Gift Ever

It's not diamonds, or money, or unlimited massage. Nope. The best birthday gift took 41 years to arrive--it was my dear friend, Nicole, taking my 7 year old daughter home from school and de-lousing her.

Leave it to best friends to give you the best gifts! This gift of de-lousing came wrapped with a pretty bow that included stripping the bed and starting a load of lice-killing laundry.

Where was I? My other dear friends, Paula and Pam, suggested months ago that we all go into the city and have a spa day on my birthday. I arrived out of massage bliss to a very disturbing voicemail. However, up until that point, I was having a fabulous day. I obviously have great friends all around.

Nicole, didn't want to ruin my spa day, so she kindly took Birk to the "special salon."

After a few days of personal lice battle, I've realized that lice are going to be right up there with the cock roaches in the new order of the post nuclear bomb world. Yep, 20 minutes in the dryer will melt a $200 sleeping bag, but it won't kill lice. Hmmmmm.

Well, folks that's where I've been this week. Last week I had a sick dog. The week before that I had a boy with a fractured arm. Where would any of us be without our friends???

11 Year Old Guest Blogger: Ruth's Dream Vacation

If I could go anywhere in the world, I would go to Canada.

I would stay in our newly remodeled house and help my grandpa build some horse stables.

I would go tubing on our lake and maybe even try water skiing.

On other days, I would go on long nature walks, or take a trail ride with my horse.

Of course, I'd have to bring my cats: Patch to protect me and Sara to cuddle!

For dinner, I'd have soup and sandwiches or any other food that sounds good.

At the end of my glorious vacation, I will give the horse back to its owner (I was only renting it), pack up and go home.

I'll have lots of adventures to tell my family!!!

Trickle Down Theory

My husband is working like a dog lately. I am juggling the normal chainsaws in the air, but I think soon I will not be able to operate such heavy machinery.

My favorite is stay at home moms that ask me what I do with all of my time. Don't my sisters in the trenches know? What are THEY doing with all of their time?

I am tired at being at FUNctions that are supposed to be FUN, but feel more like torture. I fantasize about staying home in my jammies and watching t.v. My time has been whittled to a nub and here I am, stressed out in my own little suburban way.

I'm on my way to the grocery store for some Calgon and some Zombie Zin. I hope it can take me away just enough to make it through the weekend, and next week, and the remainder of this year.

The trickle is getting more like a landslide of water that fills in all of the unfilled gaps. Time to get out the sandbags or swim like a wild, crazy woman.

SHUT UP! And I Mean That In The Nicest Possible Way

Last night, my husband and I headed into the big city to see South Pacific. The economy being what it is, and time being at the highest premium, I debated long and hard before I dragged him to see this show.

Usually I splurge a little bit on the tickets. This time I didn't. We sat in the balcony, and while the seats weren't too particularly bad, I had the experience of sharing my experience with a Grandmother and her eight year old.

I am a mother of three and all for taking your kids to the theater. However, if you take your 8 year old boy to the Friday night performance, please use a LITTLE etiquette. HELLO...you do not go to the show and proceed to TALK the entire time explaining the show. Loudly.

Then, the teenager next to me began to text furiously on his cell phone. The show was not a stellar production, the lead actress carried almost the entire performance, but Whoa Nellie, you also do not text during the show.

Do not act in ways during a live performance that would get you shushed in a movie. Have some respect for the actors and for the people who paid good money to actually see and hear the show.

***********Optional Reading. Warning! High Horse Personal Advice*************

Well, I'm a big talker, but, here's some advice to that grandmother:

a. If you're taking your kid to the theater, rent the movie first. He will know the plot, the characters and possibly recognize the songs. You can talk talk talk and answer answer answer questions again and again in the comfort of your own home.

b. If you rent the video, you will know how interested your kid is in the actual performance. If your kid can't sit through the video, it's not likely he's going to make it through the first act squinting at people the size of peanuts from the balcony in the theater.

c. Discuss theater etiquette before you get there. This is like anything else. You do not run and scream in a library. You do not talk during the performance.

d. If you have a question, please use a quiet voice. Whisper to each other. Cup your hand and speak into the other person's ear. Even better, wait until a scene change or applause to discuss a concern or question.

e. I realize we all might have questions. Ask your question. Do not "chat" endlessly.

I would have been fine with a few questions. I love kids, I'm a mom and a teacher. The thing is, I really wanted that kid and his grandma to have a good time. I just felt like it was the adult that was setting the poor example.